I’m not liking this…

So it is Sunday morning and also my dear husband’s birthday.  Now we are both 41.  Not old in society, but not “normal” for reproductivity.  Anyway, last night I wasn’t feeling great.  I had a little cramping and just thought it was gas.  However, when I went to the bathroom I saw some spotting.  That combined with the cramping had me pretty worried. I’m not even at 6 weeks yet, so of course the odds are still frightening.

I came downstairs, my husband was still on the couch and watching TV, and told him about the spotting.  Then I started sobbing and said “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” over and over again.  Talk about Happy Birthday.  I went back upstairs and just vegged out, starting at the TV, but not really watching.  I just kept hoping that this wasn’t happening.  I want to feel some symptoms and not see anything happening down there.  I understand that if it is happening, there isn’t anything I can do – and, given my age, the likelihood that there is some sort of chromosomal defect is pretty high.  I also scanned online to see if what I was experiencing was okay.  A lot of people made comments to both sides of the coin.  Yes, you can spot and be okay, but cramping isn’t good.  No, spotting and cramping are warning signs.  Then, throw in the lowered basal body temp, and that doesn’t bode well.  I took it several times and it always came back lower.  I had gotten as high as 98.1 and was happy with that.  Now I’m showing 97.4  Not good.  The cramping is what I don’t like – that seems way too negative.

But, I’m still holding out hope.  This morning there was no additional spotting (still cramping though) and I peed on another stick and still showed positive.  I emailed the doctor through the MyChart app on my phone and will call on Monday.  I’m concerned about being on my feet with a lot of tennis on Monday.  I’m also concerned with me being away from work too much without explanation, so I believe I’ll have to let my boss know what is going on.  I’m not sure how that will be received.

I want so much for this to all go okay.  I want my happy story to roll along.  I want to share this miraculous news with the people who want this for us.  I was out to a late lunch with my sister yesterday and didn’t say anything.  We are working on ordering up some bridesmaid dresses for my youngest sister’s upcoming Oct 2016 wedding.  I keep hoping that this all works out with that special day too.  My sister was telling me how she had to take progesterone suppositories for her first two pregnancies.  Her levels were low and the OBGYN was all over getting her supplemented right away.  I still can’t believe that my OBGYN is still waiting until week 8 to see me.  I’m going to call tomorrow and push for something earlier – at least a couple of bloodtests or something.

Friday, after a rough night of throwing up and being in pain, I was able to just take it easy.  I came home early from work and took a nice 90 min nap.  We just had an easy evening of carry out Italian food.  I didn’t eat much as I didn’t want to have that indigestion again.  Saturday, we both slept in and then took it really easy.  I was even able to get a nice bath too.  My sister called to see if I wanted to meet for a late lunch.  That got a little more complicated than either of us had expected, but it was still nice to catch up.  I really did want to confide in her, but it really is too early still.  I think we are waiting until we can review all of the genetic testing.  So we have about two more months until that point….hoping we make it two more months….as I can feel some cramping and lower back pain just sitting here typing.

So today, we will celebrate the birthday boy and just keep on keeping on.  I hope so very much that everything will be okay.  I keep praying.





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