The night skyline by boat

Last night we went on a little dinner cruise.  Chicago’s Navy Pier is home to many boat tours.  I’ve done the architectural one in the past (and highly recommend it).  Last night we went out on The Spirit of Chicago.  The other half of the event went out on the Odyssey.  The weather was oddly “warm” for a Chicago January.  We were able to get out on the deck and take in the twinkling lights of the city.  Chicago is a very, very pretty city.  My husband’s sister (who doesn’t know about the situation) came in for the event too.  So the three of us were simply enjoying a neat experience.  The conference had arranged for fireworks at the end of the boat tour too.  They were great!  I haven’t seen fireworks in Chicago in a long time.  It was really nice.

I like looking at the lights that dot the skyscrapers.  I think that each little light represents someone doing something somewhere.  There is a story there, and there, and there…..  It is good to recall that.  I’m one of those lights too (when we got back to the hotel room and flipped on our light to dot the east-facing wall of this tower), and I’m doing okay…as I continue along in my story.

Last night I was feeling extra affectionate toward my husband.  When we are at events, I look at other couples and regard the way they are together.  We were sitting with an older couple.  The wife was clearly the more outgoing one.  Her husband was actually silent and would lean in to tell her something that we couldn’t hear on the rare occasion he had something to tell her.  They were super nice.  She talked about her job and the time that they did one of these dinner cruises before.  She even bounced a little in her seat as the DJ blasted pop music throughout the room.  It is magical how there are times when I look up at my husband and a huge feeling of love, appreciation, admiration, and gratitude wash over me.  I know I’m in love and that I married the perfect person for me.

He knows that what I’m going through, both physically and emotionally, isn’t easy.  And because he is a good man, he checks in with me.  It is as simple as a quiet, “Okay?”  Sometimes he just puts his hand on my back and that connection is so reassuring.  I hope that we don’t have to go through this again, but the thing is we might.  One of the things I was worried about was disappointing him, about breaking his heart.  But not once has he made me feel like this is my fault. He has been amazing.  I’m sad for him because I know he doesn’t want to see me hurting.  At times, it is obvious that I am.  I’m also sad since I know he would make an amazing father.  I hope that he can be one.

He knows that I’m writing about him as we sit in our hotel room watching the Australian Open men’s final (which I already know the outcome of).  It is just a nice quiet morning and we will be heading out for a little adventure soon.  I’m not sure where, but I am sure that we will have fun.

I’m still having bleeding and cramping.  There were some intense moments last night.  This morning has been pretty calm so far.  I need to dig into my upcoming work week as much as I can.  It was one week ago today that I knew something was wrong.  So for about  7 days my body has been letting go.  I hope that it will take care of it all and then I can start the re-building process (so to say) that is necessary to get my health back to where we can try again.




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