One week ago, this all started…

A week ago, my heart was breaking.  Now I really do feel like I’m on the other side of the emotional trench.  I’m looking forward to meeting with the doctor on Friday and seeing what information can be gleaned and benefit us moving forward.  I’ve had some people tell me that they knew about it and that they are praying for me.  That is comforting.  The idea that I could tell a few people and not have it spread was an illusion….it was obvious that I wasn’t well.  We will probably tell our family this weekend too.  Just because it would suck if they heard it from outside sources.

Yesterday my husband was so sweet.  He cried.

I do appreciate when he has moments of tenderness like that.  He really owns his emotions and isn’t afraid to have us work through the good and the bad together.  I know that we are stronger for turning to one another in all of this and more.  I still have a tendency to want to bear things on my own.  It helps to have a husband who brings the inner-me to him – issues and all.  We talked about how sad he was.  He said that he didn’t want to show it earlier, but now that I’ve had some time, he needed me to comfort him.  He is glad that I’m doing better…and I am.  He was so sweet.  We even talked more about girl names we like, since that is where we both have our own ideas.  We are in agreement for a boy’s name.  We both know that is putting the cart way before the horse but we are still so hopeful.

I think I’m done now.  I feel done at least.  The cramping has stopped and I feel like my old self, maybe just a little more exhausted…but that would make sense.

I really hope that my appointment Friday is all good.  I want to avoid a D & C and be able to heal quickly and completely so that I can get back in the saddle (so to say).  But here is the other thing: I just want to know that a miscarriage wasn’t a step back…rather a window into the success we want going forward.  There isn’t much for me to do.  Keep eating healthy and drinking more water.  Continue with the pre-natal vitamins and the supplements.  Steer clear of alcohol and caffeine.  Get enough sleep and manage stress.  I’m doing all of that.  I just need to surrender to the process and keep living my life – our life….and it is a good life.  I’m surrounded by great people, a solid medical community, and our amazing family.  We are very blessed.

So now it will be back to the court…back to connecting with tennis people!  I will update here after the Friday appointment.  I hope it all goes well.


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