So today we received the news about what fertilized eggs made it to the blastocyst stage and our numbers dropped, probably as predicted for a 42 year old.
We have 7 contenders. They are now frozen and waiting the results of PGD.
9 didn’t develop correctly, or stalled out, as the report read.
Then there are the ambiguous 8. They may still develop, they may not.
But here is the deal – we now have tough choices to make regarding these ambiguous 8. Here is why. Insurance doesn’t cover or help with genetic screening. So we are already out $2,400 for the PGD of 4 embryos. Each additional embryo is $300. So, with the 7, we are out an additional $900. Now, however, we do not know what the final number for the testing will be and it can escalate fast.
If we had more income and savings to leverage, we would, but we have thrown what we can at it and now I doubt we can cover anymore, as it needs to be paid prior to freezing, and the freezing has to happen immediately after biopsy. So we may be in a bit of a pickle…I told the billing agent that if there were properly developed blastocysts in the ambiguous 8 we could pay to test up to three…for an additional $900. Well, once all the numbers really circulated with my husband, the reality of the total cost just in testing alone hit home. So, now tomorrow morning I will call 1st thing and try to catch the embryology team as fast as possible so that they do not do any additional testing which may or may not work as they might have a different schedule than a normal doctor’s office.
Rather than today being happy about the 7 possible ones, I am now tinged with sadness that because we can’t put up the cash, any hold-outs in those other 8 are basically lost to our limited resources. What a shame if one of those little late bloomers does make it to a healthy blastocyst stage tomorrow. I feel like such a bad person for letting that little embryo grow only to not be put into the pool of contenders.
Not only that, but here is another moment where I feel like a failure. Fertility struggles, miscarriages, and all of the things that haunt women in my shoes trigger that failure response. So, given the situation, it is what it is…but I feel overwhelmed and terrible for it. There is no escaping that.
I hope that I don’t come off the wrong way. I really don’t know how to come off….there are some glimmers of hope here too with the lucky 7…I hope that they turn out lucky.